The Ignorant's Playground

The Undefeated
Nov 30, 2016
2 min read

On thanksgiving, just a couple days ago, I had texted a good friend of mine and were were asking how the other was. The conversation was progressing much like conversations do until I began explaining about how I was doing health wise and how my health had declined. She flat out told me I was lying about my pain. She said that I needed to stop making excuses and go work out and build up my muscle. She doesn’t want to see me die young over something I could easily overcome.

I want to tell you that this is wrong. The doctors that I have seen have agreed they think that whatever it is that affecting me and causing such a wide range of symptoms is systemic and therefore can cause these symptoms; like inflammation, swelling, electric shock pain, dull pain, sharp pain, momentary pain, chronic pain, and it is very real. This isn't something I can just overcome by working out. If it was, I would be overcoming it.

I had to remind myself that they were saying these things because they genuinely think they’re helping somehow. But I told them about recent symptoms and doctors and what we were doing and how I have an appointment with an infectious diseases doctor this week…

But none of it made any dent in her resolve to tell me that I needed to stop lying to myself and everyone else. I got a cane a few days ago because one of my legs is swelling more than the other and by the end of the day is either extremely painful, or only mostly painful. So. Cane. She said I didn’t need the cane and that they didn’t want to hear me say the word, “can’t” because I can and to say I can’t do something is wrong.

All while I was receiving these texts, trying to keep my temper, I was attempting to enlighten my friend to the reality that none of what she was saying was applicable to my circumstances. I’ve been to a primary care doctor, GI Dr, Rheumatologist, Orthopedist, and come Wednesday an infectious diseases Doctor.

Reality had no affect on what she had to say and like a tsunami, the hits just kept coming.

Finally I told her I was done talking and listening and I loved her, but I was done and goodbye.

She never listened. She just jumped in to shame me for my pain, try to blame me for it, and turn it into an ugliness that I didn’t even know it could be. Pain isn’t a pretty thing, but attacking someone for their pain and saying they’re lying about it…wow.

When you respond like that, it doesn’t matter if you’re trying to act out of love, because all that’s coming out is straight up ignorance.

I don't understand how someone who has desired so much grace in their lives was so quick to judge me and my pain.

I hate it that my pain has become a playground for the ignorant.