Running the Dock
- The Undefeated
- Dec 11, 2016
- 2 min read
The other day I had a lot of pain and I was talking to a friend of mine who has a mixed connective tissue disease. I was telling her that she handles everything so well. She was quick to inform me that she has fallen apart too. She has been through the ringer and at some point she recognized that she couldn’t let anything or anyone hold her back, including herself and for me to not hold myself back either.
You don’t really realize you’re holding yourself back when the consequence of going too hard is hours of muscular and joint pain. I’m always in some kind of pain and so it’s hard sometimes, to gauge where I am on the scale because pain builds.
I was walking my dog Frodo the other night on the river and there’s a long dock not far from my house and I’ve seen people run up and down it before and suddenly I had a deep desire to run it myself.
Walking is often enough of a chore, let alone running. But the reminder to not hold myself back sprang to mind.
So I tied Frodo to a post at the beginning of the dock, removed my flip flops, and ran down the dock and back. The whole time I was smiling and laughing and crying. I felt like a regular person, someone who doesn’t have an undiagnosed chronic pain/illness and rampant fatigue, for about a minute and a half. I loved that feeling. So I ran it again and again. My last run back my knee gave out and I nearly cast myself into the river, so I decided that I should probably stop.
On the way back to my apartment building I cried and then told my dad about having ran and cried some more.
I feel like I had a glimpse at what my body used to be able to do and it was such a wonderful moment and I am so thankful for those moments. I will hold onto them until I may have them again. It has since inspired me to not limit myself and push myself when I can.
It is small, but it also taught me have different expectations for myself. Even though it was a win, it was not lost on me that 3 laps had ended me.
Well this is what that taught me.
Be joyful when you can be and have hope when you can’t that you will again.
Keep moving forward my fellow warriors. I believe in you.
Sincerely Yours,
The Undefeated
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