The River
- The Undefeated
- Jan 6, 2017
- 3 min read
Tears don't scare the river
Sobbing is welcome here
The river has laid witness
The ages witness to pain
The water and the earth
Proving together; it goes on
It never judges
It never turns away
Pain cannot overwhelm it
Pain doesn't scare it
Lapping against the dock
As though reaching out for me
It hears me when I can't speak
It holds me
It supports me
as my fears overwhelm me
It holds me up
Out of the chasm of my own darkness
It shares itself
It understands
It never belittles
It doesn't brag
It hears the quivering in my voice
It understands my constant uneasiness
It is constant in uneasiness
It accepts all the beauty around it
At night it is dark
and only reflects the brightest light
It's countenance is different every day
Judgement has no place at the rivers edge
The wind coaxes me out of my mind
It lifts me, it lifts the pain if only for a moment
in order to enjoy the moment
Take each moment
Whatever it is
Take hold of it
Each moment is gone
as soon as we realize it's gone
Don't live like that
Look up
Look around
Look down
Look and see
Before you can seize the day
you have to seize the moments
Take hold of what you have
Everything you've had
Was once not yours
You had to wait for it
I hate waiting
I'm restless for the moments
Promised to us from the movies, books, and songs
from when we were young
Angry and slighted
we take to parking garages, cars, and bedrooms
to cry, sob, and devolve
from who we were once proud to be
Into counting our wrongs
Our shortcomings
Because if I can't find a way to blame someone else for my sadness
You can bet I'll blame myself
Turn it inward
Take that anger and knit it into a thick sweater
I'll keep myself warm in my self-built prison
And I am so warmed by my hatred for what my life is
instead of it being what I'd always imagined
I rip my hatred away,
one strand at a time and
am nearly frozen by the cold tundra of isolation
that I've left myself in
Now fighting every part of myself
To be returned to 100% myself
I am not my own
I return to the rivers edge
It ministers to my soul
It reflects light and hope
Without shoving it
down my throat
It reminds me
It keeps moving
Keeps going
Never stops
Never gives up
It knows nothing other than that
Deep relation is not mine to expect
It's not mine to demand
It is mine to find
Love doesn't force itself upon you
Love is present in the darkness
But I fumble to find it
Cry out that I'm forsaken
The darkness lies
Life is not built upon the solid rock
to live is to endure unfair circumstances
to live at all is to be lucky
to be lucky is to survive the things we didn’t want
Life is momentary
You are not alone
Joy is not ours to own
Joy is ours to know
Tears flood my eyes
Joy turns to sadness
turns to anger
turns to fear
Stop. Turn. Shiver.
Fall apart at the river
The surface shimmers
Hope glimmers in the distance
But not within my sight
won't give up or in
Won't let down
Im Undefeated thus far
I've never allowed my circumstances victory
The darkness scares me
What has no mouth but eats
What has no eyes and yet sees
What cannot understand but manipulates
What can't be held but takes hold
What lives with the darkness
Draws breath from my body
And neither breathes or its heart beat
That which has not been named
But names at length that which lays within
Only a fool is not afraid
I am no fool
I have great fear
But I also have great faith
What has threatened the breath within my body,
the thoughts not yet formed inside my mind,
And the dreams not yet turned to action
Has been engaged in the battle
It sees no glimmer on the horizon
Neither does it believe in hope
It may leave me cold and teary
But I have hope.
I have faith.
Yours Sincerely,
The Undefeated
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